“It can all change in a day.” In a happy tone my mother said to me for the eight hundred and seventy fourth time; only this year.
OK. I’m over dramatic and exaggerating, I’m at least ten over the real number she has said it. 🙂
My mother is the best, truly you will never convince me your mother is better, smarter, nicer or can hold the title of best mother ever. She is the one who has it and always will.
The only thing about being the best mother and thinking you have the best kids is you always assume their life will be great and wonderful and they truly are special but the reality is this is not true. OR not always true.
My mother always, I mean always, says to me over and over how it can all change in a day.
When I feel hopeless, my dreams are never going to happen, how am I going to ever achieve all I want to in my life, with no contacts, no money and no direction to go. Truly is the man of my dreams ever going to find me?
With a peppy and soothing tone she says on the other side of my iPhone on speaker, it can all change in a day.
It can all change in a day. Yes it can. I guess, but when hundreds of days have passed and this has not happened hoping “in that one day it is going to change” becomes very dim.
Sometimes I will hold onto this hope, not so much that my future will change in a day but more that it will get better.
All pain lessens as the days pass, it is just how it goes, internal pain is what I am referring to. Every time the sun rises it helps lessen the pain. Time does heal wounds.
The ALL can change in a day, has been on my mind a lot this year because I have been praying for something specific in my life and would like it to change in a day but this thing to hope for is tied to pain, disappointment and hope deferred.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12
Hope is a hard thing to stay with.
For me, most of the time it is about control, I despise having to rely on someone else and this is the same for the Lord, it is hard to hope He will take care of all my needs and I need to only trust Him.
There are two things I have always wanted in life and they are my biggest desires. A family and a career. I think these desires are universal. Let’s get into the specifics.
Into the Heart we go
From the time I was a child I couldn’t wait to be married and have babies. And yet I am thirty two and this still hasn’t happened. TO be honest, it is a painful, not only is it lonely, but it is challenging when all your friends are married for the most part. Then to add salt to the gaping wound, every person you meet, I mean every person you meet, or any old acquaintances you run into asks the same questions.
ATTENTION all single people reading. YOU know the questions, don’t you?
Are you married?
Have any kids?
Even the lady who does your nails asks this. EVERY PERSON. Every person you meet asks you this and if your answer is no to all three. Normally, they stand there a little awkward and then ask about your career.
Most of my single friends have a good answer for this question, me not so much.
Well, I am a server. Yep, at a restaurant.
I don’t say I’m working on a novel, writing a blog and doing many other things in my life. And that I’ve spent a great deal of time traveling all over the world and accomplished many things I have wanted to. And if you only knew all the internal workings in my heart. I am actually doing really well.
The conversation normally moves on and I do this by asking them questions about themselves. 🙂
But the prick to the heart remains for the duration of the conversation.
IT is painful. I don’t have the answers. I don’t know why I haven’t found my person and I don’t understand why I am still single either. I can guess, speculate, makes excuses, observations, thoughts. But I don’t know. I don’t understand the plan and why the Lord hasn’t fulfilled the desires of my heart.
Didn’t see that coming did you?
If you haven’t watched it, that’s OK. I only began a year or two ago. And thanks to Netflix I am currently up with the current 14th season. Grey’s Anatomy is all over the spectrum of television but at the heart beat of it all, it is DRAMA.
There are times I quit watching, some episodes I don’t like at all and some I fast forwarded or didn’t watch. One of the things about this show to me that is devastating is that everyone dies, I mean everyone. Heroes, villains, all the patients, everyone, I am not even sure how we still have a show to watch because everyone dies.
Anyways let me not spoil it all.
Truthfully the fourteenth season has been disappointing, the story line has been rather boring and nothing has excited me to watch the episodes other than one character.
April has been on the show for nine seasons. Her character has had many ups and downs, but for the most part she has remained the same. We have shared in her joy, seen her grow as a human and doctor after quite a few failures, and cried with her as her first child died and her marriage fell apart. She has remained steady in her faith until this last season. It has been tested and she has been struggling. It has been difficult to watch her in so much agony.
I know, I know they are fictional. I understand this. For me, though I relate to characters, associating them with people I know or to myself. People all over the world are dying of cancer, have lost a child, a husband or gone through a traumatic experience. So, watching I cry and think of all the people going through a similar situation.
ONE DAY LIKE THIS.
Season 14; Episode 17
Sitting down on my day off after doing all my errands for the day, the bank, post office, groceries, cooking, laundry, blogging, I sat down not feeling guilty about watching two episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. I wanted to skip the first episode and quickly go to the one about April and her crisis of faith but decided to watch the first one before skipping to the one I really wanted to watch.
RANT. Why do you people read the end of books? Or read about the movie before you go so you know all the spoilers? For the love of all that is good: stop doing this. IF you care about us creators at all. STOP. You spoil all of our fun.
The moment the episode started I knew it was going to mean something to me because it opened with it can all change in a day. . . .
THE theme of the entire episode is how many things can change in 24 hours. 1440 minutes. 86,400 seconds. A day.
This episode is when it all comes to a head for April. It is her breaking point. We all know when we are at our breaking point in life. When if one more thing goes wrong we are going to sit on the ground, hold our knees and cry. Revert to being a child and have a complete melt down.
April has experienced a lot of pain in her life and a man who is dying wants to help her.
HERE ARE PARTS OF THE SCRIPT, paraphrase not the entire thing.
April says something about how she has done everything right. Followed all of God’s laws and had faith and did everything right and nothing has worked out for her. People have died. Children have died.
The man who is dying, is a Rabbi and I can’t think of his name in the episode. The actor’s name is Saul Rubinek. So for my paraphrasing lets call him Saul.
SAUL: When is life ever fair? No one lived a life in the Bible free of suffering or injustice? Moses, Sarah, why should we expect anything else for our own life?
Faith wouldn’t be real faith if you only believed when things are good.
The scene goes on and there is beautiful dialogue. You should watch it.
NEXT scene April says she is not a narcissist and that it is more about . .
“Unimaginable pain.” SAUL says.
April begins crying.
SAUL: God’s not indifferent to our pain.
Yes, my own tears. This is true. TV can make you feel things.
Pain is universal it speaks to us all.
Truth speaks to us all.
God is with us. When we are in pain it feels like He doesn’t care. IF He can change it why won’t He. He is God.
I don’t know the answer. I can give you words that may change your mind and different perspectives on your cirumcatnce. But as a whole I know He is there. He hasn’t left. Let me say that again. HE HAS NOT LEFT YOU.
You are not alone.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. PSALM 139:7-8
Psalm 139. Read it.
Your pain doesn’t goes away. It doesn’t. It takes time. And sometimes it will linger but God is still with you. Even in the midst of the pain and the reality is He still loves you.
A real practical way other than reading the Bible and doing things to help you when you are in a crisis of faith. Is to lean on those around you. This isn’t about comparing your pain and suffering to someone else’s. ALL pain is valid. Some may have it worse or better. But God cares about your pain too.
Read the book. Man’s search for Meaning. I wrote a blog about it. A NEEDED READ. Man’s Search for Meaning. Viktor E. Frankl
This book changed my perspective on suffering, and pain.
There are many more things, but for now, I leave you with this.
Cling to the good. Be thankful. Everything passes. And know it CAN all truly change in a day.