Nothing is here to stay, but change.

The fall leaves are covered with snow, even when they haven’t fully changed. Seasons change and come no matter if we are ready.

Nothing is here to stay, but change. When my father would say this to my brothers and I, oh how I hated it.

Moving has always been a part of my life, every since I was seven years old. In one particular town, in the span of three years, we lived in six different houses. Moving has always been a part of my life.

MOVING AGAIN

At the end of the summer, I was informed that the place I have been living in for a little over a year would no longer be my home.

The news came at a challenging time, since I had been in bed for almost seven weeks with an injury and the thought of moving again, many thoughts came into my mind. My response was, No, I am good. Can I kindly say, “No, thank you.” Like you do when you don’t like the food someone is offering you. But it didn’t seem to take.

My heart dropped at the news, I love my little place.

It was the first time I had ever lived alone and it was my place.

My little home, every night coming home from work, I unlock my door, get hit in the face with the coolness in the air, and exhaling a long breath, and I say, to no one. “I am home.”

IT feels so good. Every. Single. Night. I am thankful to be home.

But those words of my father came back to me, “Nothing stays the same, baby. Nothing.”

After returning to KC, happiness ensued as I was surrounded by all my stuff and back in my own place. My own place. And maybe the landlord would forget about selling the house. One can hope, right?

MORE THAN A PLACE TO LIVE

For the first time, I didn’t have roommates, as much as I loved my roommates and learned so many things from living with all kinds of different people. To have my own place, was wonderful.

Leaving dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, unfinished projects, books wide open, I could clean when I wanted. Truly, I think everyone should live alone for a season of their life.

Decorating the place any way I wanted, was a big deal. One of the biggest things was:  I brought all my treasures to this place.

Over the years, I have bought dishes, decorations, special towels, a quilt made with my great grandmothers patterns, it could all be used now. It didn’t have to stay in the closet, or be wrapped in bubble wrap, it was all coming out of the hidden places and being used, displayed and loved.

NO more worrying about, what if someone ruins it? And if it did get ruined I only had myself to blame.

ALWAYS LEARN

If you have read any of my other blog entries you will realize I have this thing about learning. I believe if you learn something the experience rather it be good or bad, was not a waste because you learned something.

At first I was hesitant of living alone, every one was like do you think you will like living alone? Don’t you think you will get lonely? Are you really sure?

It was strange at first, I’ll admit it.

When my mother drove out of the driveway waving goodbye, with tears in her eyes, and I stayed standing on the driveway, I may have shed a few tears. It is possible, I may have even walked down into my basement apartment and cried some tears into my bedspread.

But as time went on. . . . I loved it.

It was mine. All mine. The independence and freedom of having my own place gave me a sense of pride. I may not have everything in my life right, I may not know how I am ever going to get where I want to be, and if I will even like it when I do, BUT at least I have my own place.

And it did help that the people above me who I rented from were absolutely amazing. They included me in their celebrations, holidays, and yet also let me settle in on my own.

MOVING DEADLINE

After a few weeks of turmoil back and forth of when moving day would be we got the answer.

January. Yep, January. January of 2019.

Calculating all the work moving takes, who would help me? The timing, January there could be snow, ice, who knows what else? My biggest realization was this would be my last Christmas in this place.

When I first moved in it didn’t feel like my home, I liked it, but was indifferent to it. And now that I have to leave, I am sad.

“Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Because that is where hope can float.” From the film, HOPE FLOATS

This basement apartment, represents more to to me than only my first place.

 

 

WHAT I LEARNED FROM LIVING ALONE

Even if it is scary, I can do it.

It took me awhile to settle in, and with the woods backing up to my entrance it took a little while to realize all the cracking of branches in the woods were only the deer.

Killing bugs became a normal routine, and since I have no one else to come get that spider, or these weird centipede things, I was the one who had to kill them.

Writer is what I am.

Writing came on strong in this place, and after much self-doubting, I finally admitted no matter what happens, and no matter what career path I take, no matter if I am successful or a failure, I am a writer.

To have hope again.

Hope has been the theme of this year for me, it has been a struggle when nothing is happening in the physical but I chose to let myself hope again. I pushed my own boundaries and even wrote a vulnerable post about letting hope come again into my heart.

IT can all change in a day.

Using the good dishes.

All the treasures, I had hidden in the closet came out. I’m not waiting for the special occasion, the right time, or until I get married, I am using the good dishes. All the special treasures I have; rather they be in the closet, or they may be in my soul, they are no longer going to be waiting for the right time or for something special. Today is special because we have no idea how long we have and tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Taking care of myself.

Once I moved into this new place, I made a choice to begin taking better care of myself. And after being here a year I have lost over 20 lbs. Still got more to go, but it is about making those decisions every day that are better for me.

What do I want.

When I first moved in, I only planned on staying a year. I had even applied to a university but after taking time, and really asking myself what do I really want? I have decided for now, I want to really try this writing thing. Like put all my eggs into one basket.

New place

The new place has things I like about it and things I don’t. Every place has its pros and cons.

And yet, it is a bigger place, and my ultimate goal next year is to diligently pursue a writing career, and this place will have room for a work place. Instead of the kitchen table. 🙂

Even though I didn’t ask for it and didn’t know it was coming. The move is pushing me in the way I should go.

Moving forward is a good thing.

Growing is a good thing.

Even though it is sad to leave this place. And scary to enter the new one. It is a place that hope can float. And I hope, this is the place I truly soar with my writing.

Thanks for reading friends.

 

What are the treasures you keep hidden?

What are you saving for a special occasion?

Do you like moving?

What is something scary and exciting that you want to try next year?

 

Below is photos, of my place and the fun I had on the first snowy day of the year.