WHAT IF . . . . . (past tense)

Overwhelmed with gratitude, that’s how I feel today.  A few of you really enjoyed my WHAT if (future tense) blog. It is also exciting to hear from different ones of you. Thank you for reading.

Let’s Get Personal 

OK this post is a little more in your face because it makes us examine our past. And I am going to ask a few difficult questions. Are you ready? I am so happy. I love the deeper conversations.

ABOUT a week ago, I gave a friend from work a ride home. We were late leaving which meant we got caught in traffic so we took many detours, and to fill the time we talked.

We each became very passionate about our ideas, opinions and thoughts. We were both waving our hands and raising our voices and honestly, I love these discussions because we are both passionate about our view point.

SIDE NOTE- Be passionate about something. Have an opinion. Believe in something. Fight for something. Live and be willing to die for something.

IN the heat of the discussion, argument, conversation, whatever you want to call it. I was getting excited and loud and all riled up and I said to my friend, “I’m sorry I just get really passionate about these things.”

HIS response was, “Are you kidding me? I love this. This is where I live. I love this.”

A smile is even on my face as I am writing this thinking about it because this is who I am too. I love the real conversations when we are just ourselves and don’t hold up on pretense or saving face but we are the real honest version of ourselves. And we are passionate about it.

THE COMMON HUMAN CONDITION 

We are all humans, we are all flesh and blood, we are all a bucket that is overflowing with emotions. All of us have felt all the same common emotions: love, hate, jealousy, lust, shame, anger, despair, joy it is in us all and it is all a part of this glorious thing we call life.

MY CHILDHOOD

In my house growing up there were rules of all kinds, waiting for everyone to be finished at dinner before we could leave, certain plates couldn’t go in the microwave, people were always more important than things, and there were forbidden words (You are thinking about what the words are but they are not what you think they are  . . . . . )

The two words my father forbid us to say were:

NEVER and ALWAYS.

Different than what you thought, huh?

The reason these words were forbidden is because we as humans tend to use them in arguments. You never do this, or you always do this. Think about how annoying it is to have an argument when you are a child about how horrible your sibling has been to you and you are not allowed to use these words.

“He never lets me play with him!”

“Nope, you can’t say that.”

“Ok, he always leaves me out when he plays with his friend.”

“Nope, can’t use that one either.”

DO you see how annoying it is? I think these words should not be allowed in your life either but the point I am making is, my forbidden word is What if, in the context of your past.

WHAT IF pertaining to the PAST.

We all have these moments, thinking about the crossroads in our life and if we had only gone left when we went right. If we would have chosen this destination instead of that one.

What if I had only finished school before I moved?

What if I had said yes to him?

What if I hadn’t taken this job?

What if I chose him?

What if I kept with it and didn’t give up?

The problem with these questions is that when you ask them, you then answer them. IF I had chosen this mate instead of the one I have now, my life would be so much better.

IF I had taken this job, or gone to school at this time everything in my current life now would be so much better, I would have more money, I would be set up for life, I would be happy.

See how the WHAT If’s guide you to disappointment in your current state of life.

Yes. All the WHAT If’s in your life might be true, if you had made the decision to take the job, finish school, not move, marry the other person. All your dreams could have come true and everything could have been wonderful. It really could have been, I’m not denying we can’t make mistakes or bad choices.

But, there are alternatives to these questions too, it could have also been worse.

It could have been terrible, you could be worse off than you are now.

Maybe? You don’t know. As far as I know, none of us can predict the future.

I’m not saying it could not be better, I think this is especially true of financial debt. The point I am making is, stop living in the past. Stop letting those things that haunt you, control you. Yes, your life could be better, it really could be, you could be farther ahead than where you are now.

This is always my struggle, (oops, I used the word, see how easy they come up in our vocabulary) My struggle is feeling behind in life, most of the time, not always. 🙂 I feel like I am behind everyone in life stages, my time table is behind everyone and I can’t seem to catch up. No matter how hard I try.

The reality is though, it doesn’t matter. My time table is on a different path and that is OK.

Anyways, the past What If’s, kill your future, think about the past, realize the mistakes you made, cry about them, do whatever you have to do and then, let them go.

DID you read that? Did you really read that?

Let them go.

Let.

Them.

Go.

It truly is freeing. Also, the decision you are WHAT If thinking about could have been the wrong choice.

If you are constantly frustrated about the choices you made in the past then fix it, you aren’t dead, learn from them, if you learned from them it is not a total waste.

Make the decision to change, but quit dwelling on these things. Move on. Look at your life logically, forget the emotions for a moment and look at it from a different angle. The reality is you never know what could have happened from your What IF’s and it is time to move on.

Attention Parents of an Adult Child.

This is for you.

You did your best. Your child has something we all possess it is called: a free will.

They are responsible for their life you are not to blame for all of their problems. Don’t let them blame you.

On an episode of Frasier, a character says to an adult person blaming their parents for their life.

“Your parents only had you for the first eighteen years of your life, but what have you done with the last thirty?”

WHAT If’s

They can get you. Think about it, think about the past What If’s in your life, but don’t let them haunt you forever. Your life is more than your past and you have so much to still live for.

Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think in the comments below, till next time friends. Be kind to others and yourself.